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>Up in the air
>Listening
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Joanna Cox does a great job for us in our Adult Education Friday Mailing. She always concludes with something quotable – this week it is Jenny Rogers on Adult Learning:
Many discussions in adult, further, or higher education and training are far from being as free or equal as they need to be because tutors, often unconsciously, guide, manipulate and dominate proceedings. …….It is hard discipline as a tutor to keep you mouth shut, to listen, and to show signs of listening instead of talking. Most of us are good at talking and especially enjoy talking about our subjects. Not talking can be exquisite agony, as any experienced tutor will know.
We don’t think much about lsitening. In our churches skills are developed using mouths rather than ears. We talk about “good preaching”, “good singing”, “leading prayers” and “reading well”. We don’t talk about “listening” and we don’t bother thinking that much about how we can improve our listening (turning up the volume and installing a loop is about hearing, not listening). What can be really annoying is listening to a preacher who doesn’t listen – to God or his brothers and sisters. It seems only fair to me that if a preacher is inviting us to listen to him/her, s/he should return the favour.
I came across “Nonviolent Communication” aka “Compassionate Communication Skills” the other day. Marshall Rosenberg created Nonviolent Communication and is Founder and Director of Educational Services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication. Here is a clip on nonviolent communication.
>Diversity Training
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Kirsty Young began a four-part history of the British Family from the end of WW2 to the present day last night. It’s a sign of old age when you see your own childhood as history. But that’s what it was and it was a fascinating insight into how families have changed and how my own family changed. The programme highlighted how the family was in crisis as a result of WW2 and how marriage came to be understood relationally rather than institutionally. The programme reminded me of the angst of the 50s and 60s as we discussed and argued (not very calmly because of the issues at stake). Shocking statistics revealed the amount of sexual ignorance and repression. There’s more to look forward as the series continues next week.
Running through my own mind at the same time were thoughts about how to facilitate “diversity training” – that’s part of my job. I had already read Donald Clark’s post about narrow minded (and patronising, frustrating and annoying) diversity training and was wondering what it is all about. Then, putting two and two together I realise how diversity training has developed in family life. The politics of home life has seen the emergence and emancipation of women, the development of companiable relationships between adults and a transformation in relationship with children – (or is that all still aspirational?)
And what has been the training programme? Has it been that through the developments in the media we have been able to be part of a very public debate about relationships and the family? Through the soap operas we have seen all sorts of relationships and sufferings modelled and entertained ideas about where we fit in our own behaviours. And doesn’t the training continue through “homework” and “exercises” – in which we exercise and practise love for others, including listening for their best interest and their frustrations.
Is this a clue for facilitating diversity training? What else is there?
There is also listening. Are there voices we can hear protesting their exclusion and their hurt? Hearing their cries prompts us to ask questions about how much they count as people and to challenge the systems that oppress and marginalise them. We do have a hearing problem though – because the voices of suffering are hard to hear. Their cries are muffled and smothered in so many cases. Careful listening becomes a requirement – listening that is full of care will prise off respectability’s veneer to investigate what is really happening and what people are really feeling. This is diversity training which is moved by compassion to diversify practice and thinking so that there is room for people. People suffer the world over because of their gender, their sexuality, their ethnicity, their nationality, their age, their class etc etc. They suffer personally in the details of their daily life (and often within their own living space/home) – and they suffer because of our narrow minded thinking.
But why do we need “diversity training” in the church? That’s my exercise – “to review continuing ministerial development in the area of diversity issues” – within the monochrome Diocese of Chester. For one thing we could refer to the experience of those who complain about being excluded (women clergy some of the time), or to the absence in our congregations of youngsters (and other groups) because our thinking and practice is not diverse enough to embrace them. Or we could refer to our scripture and Jesus’ ministry which has “diversity training” so much at its heart. Jesus’ life was with the marginalised. He taught us (Matthew 25) to recognise him in the prisoner, the naked, the asylum seeker, the scavenger and the homeless. He invited his followers to diversify their thinking to embrace a saviour who could be crucified as a common criminal. Those who accepted the invitation became a diverse family in which “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female”. (Galatians 3:28)
As an enabled, white, English, straight, educated, male priest in the “established” Church of England in this skewed world I should have enough power to do something to diversify our world. I know it must start from where I am. I’m just off to the Post Office. Who knows – it could just start there.
Member of the Board (of ironing)
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Thinking family – a domestic task which has spanned the years of our family has been the ironing. I have been the one who does the ironing – and it has been the mindless job I have been doing on Sunday evenings when I’ve been too tired to sit still. Seeing me through that job has been my i-pod, and before that CDs, and before that vinyl and before that those tapes that were forever getting tangled up. But the music doesn’t change. I wonder if it’s generally the case that the music we love in our (late) teens becomes the themes for our whole life. So for me James Taylor still puts a crease in the trousers. Paul Simon still gets the t-shirts ironed. Kirsty MacColl gets the socks paired. There are interruptions to the ironing routine. Old favourites produce new albums, so the steam of the iron has played percussion to Graceland since 1986. Presents provide interruption (this Christmas: Seasick Steve and Mumford & Sons) and new tracks get followed. Katie Melia smoothes, while ironing to the world music of Freshlyground, Orchestra Boabab and Youssou N’Dour seems positively exotic.
Ian Bradley and David Adam (and many others)point out the prayer themes of Celtic spirituality. Such spirituality prays through all the domestic routine, including fire lighting, getting dressed (patrick) and milking the cow. I have to say that I have been so slow to realise the lost opportunities for prayer when ironing – prayer for the family and the occasions when they will wear the particular clothes – the meetings, the tests, the nights out, their friends, their confidence and their love. Never mind. There will be more ironing next weekend. (Thank you Natalie Maynor for the photo of Ironing Board Sam)
>Funny people go wordling
>Humorous non-sense
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Funny business dealing with people with no apparent sense of humour. I am sure that 100% of people admit to having a sense of humour – and I defend those who are said to have none. Everyone has a funny bone. We just need to get close enough to tickle them – and there’s the problem. How to break through the barriers. Is it a problem of taking our? Is it about letting ourselves go? Is it a case of use it or lose it?
Thank God for comedy. If humour is about being ticklably close to people it becomes understandable how comedy and compassion so often come together. Look at Comic Relief.
Sr Maria Burke talks about the spirituality of humour and refers to the film Amadeus and the tragic Saleri.
Humour takes us outside ourselves; comedy is truth telling; laughter is a form of self detachment. For example, the wonderful film Amadeus can be viewed as the story of the vocation of Antonio Selieri, court composer to Joseph II of Austria. Selieri could not understand how God could gift Mozart with such talent when he did nothing to merit it and very little to nurture it. Seleri ends by attempting suicide and is placed in a mental institution. In the final scene he confesses his jealousy of Mozart and his anger at God; then he is rolled through the halls of the institute which are lined with other inmates in tragic states of mental breakdown. Selieri draws himself up as if he were the Pope being borne on the sedea gestitore, and blesses the people he passes, saying, “Mediocrities of the world, I absolve you.”
Little David
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Thinking about David …. God seems to overlook qualifications and eligibility. Today’s psalm (89) refers to how David was chosen to be king of Israel. “I have set a youth above the mighty; I have raised a young man over the people.” God’s man, Samuel was sent to Jesse’s family to anoint the one indicated. The first in line was bruought in – and Samuel gets told “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at.” (1 Sam 16). Seven of Jesse’s sons were introduced to Samuel, but it was the last and youngest in the presentation line who was the one Samuel anointed. This seems to be the way with God. He prefers the small, the last and the least. He overlooks qualifications and eligibility. Centuries later Paul rejoices in his weaknesses because he hears God: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor 12:9)
There were not many people who put money on David beating Goliath – boy against giant. But there are a lot of people who have been made to look small by the world who believe that their victory is assured because their God is one who overlooks qualifications and eligibility and has a preference for the lost, last and least.
Belbin is better known for his theories about team role preferences. His theories are also applicable in terms of recruitment. He too is prepared to overlook qualifications and eligibility. These things look backwards and eligibility does not equate to suitability. Looking at suitability is forward looking to what a person can become.
So those are eligible and suitable are an ideal fit but may be short stayers.
Those who are eligible but unsuitable are a poor fit and problems occur.
Those who are barely eligible and unsuitable are total misfits and become leavers.
Those who are barely eligible but suitable are a surprise fit and become long stayers.
Now, I only have limited experience of recruitment but I can safely say that both David and Paul come into the category of “barely eligible but suitable” – with the right sort of help. And that’s how Goliath got his comeuppance.
>Capricorny
>Another decade. Another year – and for me another birthday (that’s quite a collection now. I wonder whether the combination of birthday and New Year is very helpful to the Capricorn mentality. New Year is a time for resolution and for looking forward to times ahead. It comes after the difficult days between Christmas and New Year which are days of lethargy. Capricorns, apparently love to climb mountains (the mountain goat) – and where none exist one will be created. Life can be lived under our own effort too much – maybe we take oursleves too seriously as a result.
So here’s a resolution to go alongside all the others I have failed with – to focus on the grace of God and his love, and to remember that if there are any mountains to be climbed I don’t go alone. That could make it a birthday to remember – a turning point.
Quentin Crisp
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I didn’t know till tonight that Sting’s Englishman in New York was a celebration of Quentin Crisp. Englishman in New York was the title of tonight’s moving ITV sequel to The Naked Civil Servant about Quentin Crisp’s life in New York. Crisp, played again by John Hurt, comes across as a man of great integrity. As a homosexual “who wore make up in London in the 30’s” he was always an outsider – and despised. His commitment to “being himself”, together with his wit, made him a celebrity figure in New York where he was in great demand as a public speaker.
In a question and answer session at his swansong at a gay club in Tampa, Florida, he comes up with a real pearl of wisdom:
Neither look forward where there is doubt, nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask yourself not if there is anything out in the world that you want and had better grab quickly before nightfall, but whether there is anything inside you that you have not yet unpacked.
The quote was prefaced with remarks about the privilege of being the scorned outsider – not as something to be avoided but as something to be embraced. As a privileged insider I wonder how wise his advice is:
In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once inhabited the suburbs of human contempt find that without changing their address they eventually live in the metropolis.
I am sure that the wisdom of wise outsiders like Quentin Crisp have helped many people on the outside to “be themselves” instead of selling themselves short.
As Sting writes:
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile,
Be yourself no matter what they say.
>Counting Hairs
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I am increasingly involved in preaching as a listener these days. Trevor Dennis, Canon at Chester Cathedral, began his sermon this morning by reminding us of God who “counts up my groaning; put my tears into your bottle” (Psalm 56:8) and who numbers even the vary hairs of our head (Matthew 10:30). What was Jesus meaning? Surely he was reassuring his followers that they were/are precious to God. Jesus spent most of his time with people who were on the fringe of society – who didn’t count and were not regarded by the people of power. These people counted very much with Jesus – each one of them (again expressed in the Parable of the Lost Sheep in Luke 15).
Referring to the Copenhagen Conference on Climate Change, Trevor Dennis made the point that no longer can we regard God’s love as just for us humans. If he cares for us so much that he even counts the hairs of our head, then according to Trevor, he counts the feathers of a bird, the scales of the fish and the grain of the sand – so that the whole of his creation is treasured and loved by him. It therefore matters a lot that so many species are on the edge of extinction.
Here’s evidence from the Metereological Office of how temperatures have been rising over the decades, with temperatures of the last decade being the highest for 160 years.
The photo is of a “tear glass” used to collect tears of happiness or sadness. The store was kept for remembrance either of grief or happiness.
Grits and Grains 